This Week In Headlines: December 21

The Newtonite

[media-credit name=”Julia Moss” align=”alignnone” width=”560″] Since the dawn of time, man has craved knowledge on the happenings of his community. These headlines, albeit satirical and ridiculous, provide a portal into the daily life at this school and will be posted every Friday as a blog.
by Aneesh Anand and Jacob Schwartz

  • Top Story: Teacher assigns students to read her autobiography

    [media-credit name=”Jacob Schwartz” align=”alignright” width=”300″] Yesterday, students in math teacher Leslie Meyer’s classes were given a copy of her new book “All About Me.” She instructed them to read it over winter break and write a report on it.
  • Struggling French student ‘just putting accents on everything now’
  • Model United Nations members relieved everyone else forgot Secret Santa presents too
  • Controversy erupts after Brookline student named 6th Man leader
  • Y-block created to help students with confusion caused during X-block
  • Mistaken sophomore writes speech honoring Martin Luther’s legacy
  • Advanced Placement Chemistry students ingest helium as part of ‘experiment’
  • Student blows college scholarship winnings on lottery tickets
  • Entire Class of 2014 falls into coma while reading ‘Scarlet Letter’
  • Mass Interview: Want to observe my driving lesson tomorrow at 3 a.m.?
  • Students disappointed that mock trial does not involve making fun of lawyers
  • Senior class president threatens cutting prom if candy sales do not increase
  • Billiards team earns five hole-in-ones in one match
  • Weekly headline bloggers crowned king, queen of Newtonite

Click here to read the last installment of This Week in Headlines.