[media-credit name=”Julia Moss” align=”alignnone” width=”557″] Since the dawn of time, man has craved knowledge on the happenings of his community. These headlines, albeit satirical and ridiculous, provide a portal into the daily life at this school and will be posted every Friday as a blog.
by Jacob Schwartz[media-credit name=”Jacob Schwartz ” align=”alignright” width=”300″] Freshman Nick Gjerasi has always dreamed of leaving this school’s campus. Yesterday, Gjerasi escaped this school at 2:35, and after a three-hour police chase, was found at the Rox Diner by Newton’s hero police dog, Archie. “Woof woof,” said Archie on how it felt to make the arrest.
Top story: Gutsy freshman goes off campus after school
Student relies too much on spell czech
Effie Trinket sues principal for identity fraud
Senior class to build ‘Borrowed Pencils’ memorial
European History student catches black plague before test
Rebel quadruple-spaces history essay
Editorial: Editorials are way too opinionated
Calculus class goes off on tangent
Talented student remembers muster station locations
Junior drops out after accidentally entering girls’ restroom
Procrastinators club meeting postponed until ‘sometime soon,’ officer says
Gossip club cut due to lack of funding, or at least that’s what everyone’s saying
Sophomore reaches end of lunch line in only 35 minutes
Editorial: New GPA system puts too much emphasis on grades
