This Week in Headlines: October 5

The Newtonite

[media-credit name=”Julia Moss” align=”alignnone” width=”619″] Since the dawn of time, man has craved knowledge on the happenings of his community. These headlines, albeit satirical and ridiculous, provide a portal into the daily life at this school and will be posted every Friday as a blog.
by Jacob Schwartz
  • ‘Hunger Games’ reenactment includes catered Mexican food
  • Paper football finally becomes varsity sport
  • Environment club proposes decrease in students
  • Student’s wildest dreams come true at arena scheduling
  • Newton Police busts slumber-party for excessive pillow-fighting
  • Honors film student admits love for ‘Spongebob Squarepants Movie’
  • Local astronomer mistakes streetlight for approaching meteor
  • Editorial: Freshman’s clothes like totally clash
  • Student is poet, she did not even realize this fact
  • Trigonometry teacher forgets to switch calculator to radians for two months
  • Nurse‚Äôs office decides cough drops are universal cure
  • After failing to turn in library book on time, student’s life thrown in gutter
  • Clever joke advances freshman to honors courses
  • Senior angered that ‘quality time with the gf’ doesn’t count as extra-curricular
  • Student splits atom in Innovation Lab, told to clean up mess
  • Alumnus declares mural of himself ‘best mural ever’
  • Editorial: People shower too much